Teflon Romeo

Wow! Wow! Wow! What a crazy month so far. I haven’t consecutively hung out with Timineri like I did this week in a very long time. It truly felt like old times.

On Thursday, August 5th: Timineri decided to hang out at the bar. Strangely, he messaged me to have cocktails. He says it’ll be his only opportunity to see me for a long while since he’ll be traveling often for work for the whole month. When we got there we ran into a mutual, casual friend: Vang. The three of us went to the patio when I turned around and there was Moore. Moore came up to me and we chatted for a bit. It made me feel kind of strange. Timineri has the hots for Vang, however, there was something about him that didn’t quite settle. Well, on the 4th of July, we were all present for LaCap’s party. The clicker to my car was sitting next to the sangria all night long. Until it was time to leave and my clicker was nowhere to be found. People said they just seen it when Vang was inside the house cleaning (Vang was the only one inside). I figured it was just a coincidence. Well, Timineri told me Vang came over one night prior and that was the day he lost his iPhone. I joked about how he’s a klepto. Well, I took Timineri home. While driving home, Timineri called me to let me know that Vang was coming over (which proves that he still had his phone in his house). Timineri says in the middle of the night he heard the sound of his email coming through to his phone (once again, proving the phone was in his house). Then Vang straddled him and put his dick in Timineri’s face. This is quite disgusting, not because of the action, but at the bar Vang says he doesn’t sleep around and would not have sex with Timineri unless they were dating for a while. The next thing you know it, Vang woke Timineri up early and needed to rush to work. Timineri couldn’t find his phone. So we determined that Vang is a klepto and it’s too much of a coincidence that we loose things around him all the time.

On Friday, August 6th: Timineri and I decided to blow off steam from the unfortunate event he night prior and decided to go have cocktails. We had a good time and it was just like any other night. I decided to stop drinking and just wanted water, but Timineri kept on buying me drinks (including a shot). We were not too far from the freeway when up ahead was a check point. If we turn away we’d definitely chased down and pulled over. Instead, I quickly made up a story: “Where did we come from? Badlands. How much have I had to drink? ONE gin and tonic (which is a lie). How long ago: One hour ago (another lie).”

I rolled down my window and the officer asked, “Where are you coming from?”

“Badlands…” I calmly replied.

“Have you had anything to drink?”

“Yes…”

“How did you have?”

“Gin and tonic…”

“How many?”

“Just one…”

“How long was that ago?”

“Just an hour ago…”

Then the officer held out his index finger, “I need you to follow the tip of my finger with just your eyes without moving your head…” I happily obliged… However, he stuck a red tag on my windshield (assuming I didn’t pass the test).

They had me get out of the car and proceeded with sobriety test. The cute officer asked me a bunch of questions and I was being a little catty for some reverse psychology. He asked, “How long ago did you have the drink?”

“Well… I said an hour ago, but since we’re 20mins into this… an hour and 20mins?”

He gave me “the look” then preceded to write on his pad.

He gave me a bunch of tests and I knew if I stayed calm, I’d be able to pass them all (despite the fact that I just lied my ass off when he interrogated me and oh yes… I was fuckin’ drunk!). At the end, when he asked me to count backwards from 100 to 80 I snickered, “Who in the wooorld does that?” And he was trying not to laugh, “Just do it…” We had a little chuckle towards the end. Then he read me my option to consent or refuse to take the breathalyzer. So I asked him, “And if I refuse?” He says, “If you refuse then it’s under my discretion to determine whether you’re sober enough to drive or arrest you base on the tests I have given you.” So I had to think fast on feet. If I consent to breathalyzer it means that I will 100% fail because from how much I truly drank it would put me over the limit. So if I refuse it’d be a 50/50 chance of me walking away. So I was still catty, “Noooo! I would like to refuse…” And my heart skipped a beat when he said with a serious tone, “Sir! I would need you to step to the side and sit on this curb right here.” I told myself, “Fuck! I’m going to jail!” However, a couple minutes later he walked up to me and said, “You’re free to go…” in a sweet and endearing manner as he handed my license back to me. I was less relieved by fact that I just dodged a bullet but more so infatuated and almost wanted to give him my number. I was thinking, “Uhm… are we fllllirrrtttinnngggg?” When I got into the car, Timineri was all like, “OMG! You have no idea what I was going through.” I was very proud of myself that I was able to pull that off. I guess, after all those years of dating all these cops it finally paid off. We spent that night celebrating our victory with home made Chinese sausage pizza!

Saturday, August 7th: Timineri and I went to see Inception at the IMAX theater. I thought it was a GREAT movie. It had to grow on me. It must be good if Timineri did not say that it was bad. I think this is one of the very few movies we could agree one. After the movie, we decided to have cocktails. Only ONE day after dodging the bullet. Of course, we got smarter! We checked for announcements of check points before having cocktails. We decided we were bored of the downtown scene so we headed down to the Bolt. It was pretty fun. There were lots of bears all around and a muscle Latino named, Miguel. Miguel was very friendly, however, he’s a hoe. He has a partner but he was macking on everybody. After the Bolt we packed the car up with hella food from Popeye’s and pigged out at Timineri’s place.

Tuesday, August 9th: The dynamic duo decided to hit the bar scene again. Not too crazy and not a whole lot of excitement. However, it was fun nevertheless.

Wednesday, August 10th: I went to dinner with Sister. We had Samurai and we talked about the logistics for the wedding. *Sighs* My big sister is getting married. I envy her. I wonder when I’m getting married. After dinner I met Timineri at the Merc. We went from the Merc, to Depot, then Badlands, then back to the Merc. Then we decided to go to the Bolt. All night we were looking for someone to make me a Brandy Alexander because it was mentioned in the show Big Bang Theory. Alas, no luck. We had a very nice conversation with a guy name Jim. All of a sudden, Timineri disappeared. Jim and I went to the back patio to look for Timineri. It was pitched dark and there were no lights. We decided to turn on the light when there was this guy on his knees sucking another guy. I immediately turned the lights off. Timineri came up to me and said, “You shouldn’t have turned on the lights.” And my response was, “Uhm… Timineri… Why is your belt undone?” LOL I dominated the jukebox and then it was time for us to say good night.

Things are going very well in my neck of the woods! Hope everyone is well. I’m going to pop in a movie and head to bed!

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