Mr. & Mrs. Doan

As of August 21, 2010: My sister was pronounced a married woman, however, rewind 24 hours before to truly see how beautifully the story unfolds.

August 20, 2010: I rushed to the Vizcaya Hotel at 90 miles an hour to make the wedding rehearsal. When I walked in and said “It’s ok! I’m here!” my eyes immediately locked on to this handsome guy that as there. He kept on starring at me as I kept on looking at him. I kept on wondering if I have slept with him, or if he wanted to sleep with me, or both. I was then introduced to a pretty lady named, Becky who was the wedding coordinator. She guided us to the garden where the ceremony will be held. While walking out I whispered to Sister asking her who that was. She says, “That’s Rob. He’s the MC for the wedding.” I didn’t pay too much attention to the scenery because I was so freaked out about memorizing everything that I had to do. After we got done, I joked about doing seven more runs. Becky says, “I will do it one more time.” (like a bitch). I went along with it. Throughout rehearsal, all I did was eyeballed Rob. After the second run, Leo and Sister took the wedding party to dinner.

On our way to rehearsal dinner at Regent, Sister confessed (the day before the wedding) that the ring bearer still doesn’t have his tuxedo. I was already under a lot of stress from all the wedding craziness. I went ape-shit! I screamed, she screamed, the only person not screaming was the Maid of Honor: Lisa. Lisa must be the sweetest girl, I swear! When we arrived, I had to go to the liquor store to get some cigarettes because I was so stressed. Yall know how I do: I don’t inhale. I gave the rest of the pack to one of the bride’s maid: Christina. The dinner was decent, not the best. The best thing on the table was fried fish. The lobster had very little meat. There was fried shrimp with the shell still and head still on. I decided to chew on the head and that’s where it all went wrong. The damn antennae managed to harpoon the inside of my lip while I was eating it. After a few attempts to pull it out, everyone at the table told me to go to the bathroom. I attempted to pull it out, but the prongs on the antennae made it impossible. So I decided to pull it away from my lip to cut the skin instead. It hurt like a bitch, but only minimal bleeding.

After dinner Sister, Lisa and I headed to Walmart to pickup a few things before the big day. Every girl needs clinical Secret deodorant! I also picked up Biore pore strips and Neutrogena Deep Clean Relaxing Nightly Scrub. We also picked up a pizza for for snacking! We also stopped by McDonald’s for sweet tea before heading home. Sister spent nearly two hours on her computer looking through Vietnamese songs for Jason and Rob to play during the reception dinner. After ripping Biore pore strips off our faces, sucked down sweet tea and fought endlessly about the wedding, we headed to bed around 1:30AM. I woke up at 3AM to go pee and the girls were still up talking. I told them to go to bed because we gotta wake at 7AM!!!

August 21, 2010: I woke at 6:30AM, before the alarm and before the girls did. I laid there thinking about the fact that it really is going to happen. Time flies, but it was years ago when we used to wonder who was going to get married first. Sister always thought it was going to be me. But it looks like she beat me to it. When the alarm sounded I went in to wake the girls. We headed off to Stonebrooks for breakfast. Across from us was an old couple. That definitely didn’t help my emotional situation. So I tried to over compensate that with bitchiness so I don’t get too emotional, because if I loose it then Sister definitely would have lost it too. After breakfast we came home to start showering. Sister went back to bed to take a nap since it was going to take Archer a long while to do Lisa’s hair since she has lots of hair. Archer arrived when I was in just my undies running around the house. I nonchalantly waved to him and disappeared to the bathroom (that feud is another story to tell). He transformed Lisa from a pretty 12 year old looking girl to this beautiful woman. When he was nearly done with Lisa’s hair and makeup, it took all my might to get Sister out of bed. “I TOLD you not to stay up to 3AM!” After all that fighting, I finally got her into the shower. “…And you better not fall asleep in the bathroom!” I screamed. I gave Sister my kimono to wear so that she doesn’t mess up her hair or makeup.

Fast forward another hour, Archer completed Sister’s hair and makeup. She looked so grown and beautiful. I was starting to get emotional again, so I needed to find something random to bitch about before I started crying. We packed essentials into one of my small travel luggage and off we went. We headed over to Sister’s house and picked up Mom. In the car, Mom was talking about all she needed was just a curling iron through her hair. I said, “No! What are you people thinking? This is a wedding! I will pay Archer to do your hair and makeup!!!” And I flew off the handle (again)…

When we got there, Sister walked into the Bridal room and the water works started. She balled her eyes out and started rubbing her false eye lash from one end of her face to the other. I told her, “It’s just nerves. You know what happens after you get married? Nothing! Everything goes back to being the same the next day.” I pulled her into the bathroom. “Look at yourself in the mirror… Look at how beautiful you are. Within the past 24 hours I keep on joking there’s time to reconsider and neither of you did. Are you reconsidering?”

“No…” she said.

“In my eyes you guys are already married. This is just a celebration of your commitment. It’s a party. But if you have any second thoughts and want to turn around, I’ll turn around with you. I support you being happy. I don’t support you being unhappy. Are you happy?”

“I’m happy…” she says.

“Are you ready?”

“I’m ready…” she replied.

“I want to see you look at yourself in the mirror and say that. Are you ready?”

She looked at herself in the mirror, “I’m ready!”

We walked out of the bathroom and Archer started on Mom’s hair and makeup. We asked for a bed so Sister can take a nap. Mother was transform into a sophisticated beautiful woman. However, that started to looses it’s luster when Mother belched from all the champagne and mimosas. Archer transformed Christina from this bitchy momma to a sensual, demure, soft woman (until she spoke again). When Leo arrived, I went out to tell him to get into his tuxedo because the photographer was arriving in half an hour. Some of the guests started to arrive including Timineri.

When the photographer arrived, Archer just started to get done with Sister’s hair and makeup. She took photos of the bride getting ready, the wedding dress and as well as the bride’s maids’ dresses. Then I followed her out to meet the groom and the groom’s men for photos with just us boys. When I came back, the maids got into their dresses. Sister was waiting for time to get into her dress. By the bathroom, there are windows where we could look out. When the girls, Mom and I looked out, there was only like 3 guests outside at it was 4:40PM. The invitation says 5PM. We all looked at each other in a panic. We all said, “Don’t tell Tina. We don’t want to alarm her. Maybe they’ll all arrive at once.”

I went outside so help when the florists came. The groom asked the florist, Mary why were his boutonnieres pink. He thought he asked for red. She started to pitch a fit and started to get an attitude with the groom. After a few minutes of her escalating her voice in front of guests, I had enough of it. I started to use my big boy’s voice, ” It doesn’t matter what tradition is supposed to be. The groom asked for red roses and the point of the matter is it’s not here!” She started to fumble real quick. You just don’t pitch an attitude at someone’s wedding and of all the people with the groom. Leo then said, “Oh no… forget it. Forget it! I remember now. It’s supposed to be pink.” Whether he remembered or not, it’s not professional to escalate your voice at a wedding. After we got that situated, my job was to find the ring bearer and the flower girl to deliver them the fake rings and the flower bucket. After that fiasco the night before with the ring bearer, ironically he showed up in a tux first. It was 5PM and still no flower girl to be found. I started to panic. Finally, after asking the best man where is the flower girl since it’s his niece, he informed that the flower girl is on the freeway. When the flower girl arrived, I walked her to the bride’s room and Sister have already gotten into her dress. It took my breath away. I reminded myself, this is no time for tears! I turned around and it was showtime.

When we all got into position, everything started to slow down. I was able to breathe a sigh just for a moment. Leo and his mother in front of Mom and me. Leo’s mother turn around and whispered to Mom, “How are you?” and Mom replied, “I’m good.” The music started to play and Leo walked his mother down the isle to her seat. And then it was I that walked mine down the isle. I then went back around to get Sister. The bride was so beautiful and captivating. I gazed at her and she says, “Why are you looking at me like that?” I just wanted that very moment to stay still. I wanted this picture to be unchanged. Then Becky whispered, “Get ready.” That’s when I responded, “You’re so beautiful. I’m so happy for you.” That very moment she was no longer only mine. That very moment I was walking her down the isle to share her with another man for the rest of our lives. We slowly walked down the isle and it felt like God has added a slow motion effect to that very moment. I could hear people gasp as we passed them by. One of the girls whispered, “Oh my god you’re so beautiful…” When we reached the isle, the reverend asked, “Who gives this woman to be married to this man?” My response was, “Her mother and I.” Then I handed her over.

I was supposed to sit next to Mom after I gave her away, however, our family side somehow took my seat. I ended up sitting in the back row (which was fine). When they were exchanging their vows, the reverend was talking too fast and Leo couldn’t keep up so he started to fumble on his words. People started to look at me for some reason. The reverend caught on so he went a little slower and showed the script to the groom to read off of. When they exchanged rings, I tried all my might to keep from crying because I knew if I did it wouldn’t stop anytime soon and we needed to take photos right after. We all took photos and then I got to spend a little time with Timineri. However, everywhere I turned I was grabbed into a social conversation so I supposed it was me that was representing the bride’s side.

The groom and bride disappeared for the longest time. Finally, someone told me that the wedding party were taking photos by the water fountain. I was pretty pissed because that was not apart of the rehearsal. I ran all the way around and and met them right before they walked in. I asked Becky what was going on and she responded with an attitude, “Well I just don’t know what’s going on. Ask him!” As she pointed to the MC, Rob. Rob asked me to ask Mom to introduce our family side and Leo’s brother, Tim to introduce his side. I then asked, “Am I walking out with the wedding party?” No one could give me a definite answer so I went and sat with my family’s table instead (which was fine by me instead of creating drama at my sister’s wedding). I sat at the head of the table next to my Sister. After introduction of our families, we went off to get food. I consulted with the groom and bride regarding the food that was served. We all agreed that it was below expectation. They said that the sample they had was much better. The salmon was over done and so was the chicken. The rice was pretty decent.

After dinner it was time for the toast. We started with the best man, Tuan. He fumbled on his words, but it turned out fine. Then it went to the maid of honor, Lisa. She kept it short and sweet. The the mic was passed to me I was still very nervous about trying not to cry. I cracked a few jokes, looked over to Timineri and that’s when I knew I was starting to go on a tangent so I cut it short. Mom said her toast and surprisingly for being drunk, she kept it short and very sweet. Gramma and Grampa Bubbles was the ones that went last and boy was it a beautiful toast.

After the toast, the groom and bride went out to take photos with of themselves. When they returned it was time to cut the cake. The crowd, Timineri and I went wild when they smashed the cake into each other’s faces. Then they went off to the photo booth that they rented for the night to snap photos. It was amazing!

Then it was time for the first dance. They did a wonderful job and they danced the actual full song like I told them to. Originally, they planned on inviting everyone on to the dance floor halfway into the song. Standing on the sideline, watching the newlyweds dance was an emotional experience for me. There was nothing but happiness across their faces. Nothing but love that filled the room. At that very moment, I finally was convinced that my sister was in good hands. The music ended and everyone was invited on to the dance floor. My drunk ass mother fell on the dance floor and we had to help her up.

We danced and partied all night. It was then time for the bride to toss the bouquet. I was told to get in anyways. I did not catch the bouquet, however, the lovely Ms. Vi did! Lordy, the women all totally fought for that bouquet. I thought someone was going to rip my hair out for it. Then the groom took the garter off of my sister’s leg. The way he did it was pretty damn skanky. Made me want to puke. I was all like, “Ugh! That’s my sister!” When he shot the garter I flew in front of all the men like crouching tiger, hidden faggot to grab the garter.

We danced all night. I got down and dirrty on all fours. A random guy even came up to me and asked me to dance with his wife. I asked him why don’t you take her out on the dance floor? He says, “I have a bad knee and recently went through surgery.” I promised him that I would. I asked Jason to play Lady GaGa and he happily obliged. I took her on the dance floor and worked her good. She says, “Thank you so much. You’re an amazing dancer.” I handed her back to her husband.

I walked off the dance floor to take a break in the dining room. I found Mom on the floor because she fell over. Everybody was starring but nobody cared to help her up. I ran over and I was the only one that was helping her. It disturbs me a little that not even one person who was sitting in the dining room care to come by to help. Only one Asian lady came up and asked if she was ok after I was able to get Mom up.

Uncle Dave and the rest of the family was leaving. They said they were going to take Mom home with them because she needs to leave now. Uncle Dave parked on U st. U st. is at an uphill climb. Aunt Kathy was walking with Mom when she fell backwards and took Aunt Kathy with her downhill. It took four old people and me to get Mom back up and into the car.

Towards the closing of the night, Sister and I took some photos together. A bunch of us then got into the photo booth and snapped a bunch of photos. The MC, Rob was a little drunk and we got into the booth together and sure enough I gave him a kiss and the photo snapped as we pulled away. There’s evidence!!!

The music faded, the guests have gone and I helped the groom and bride retire to their suite. I headed home with just me and my garter. I was so happy for the both of them, but I was left wondering: “How the hell do I make this garter work to find me a husband?”

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