During Tsui’s annual Thanksgiving dinner party, there was a discussion surrounding about how “Gays equate sex with a handshake…” Every time I hear that statement, whether true or not, I cringe and look upon that person who said it with such disgust and pity. It doesn’t always have to be that way. I’m no perfect Angel, but I’m always reminded to bring myself back to humanity, for I believe that a person who is incapable of forging new relationships without sexual involvement is shamefully lowest in primitive nature.

My body is rapidly changing: my chest is bigger, shoulders are broader, and arms are fuller. Last Monday, I celebrated achieving weight gain of 130.8 Lbs of lean muscle. As my body changes, I have found so has my interactions with people and the way I am approached and treated. People who used to never give me the time of day are now noticing me. People who claim ingenuity are mostly just genuinely interested in mind games to get below the waist. I find it difficult to invest trust in a promiscuous world that achieves superficial gratification by deceit. I’ve failed at many things in life, but I refuse to fail as a human being.

I’ve grown tired of having these “intelligent conversations” which seems to be a popular criteria for most people. I’ve found that all these conversations from politics to technology has something in common: They all lack personality, individuality, connection… life. When did we as humanity determined that by memorizing and regurgitating lifeless facts to one another is attractive in itself? Those who know are wise. Those who know themselves are enlightened. Knowledge without wisdom is like a boat on dry land.

Relationships are based on shared common interests. Lately, I find that my relationships with some has become quite fragile. I no longer drink, at all… period. You’d think that such a small thing shouldn’t alter a relationship, but it does more than one would like to admit. Mostly in the gay community, bonding is done over licking some imaginary wound as you fill up on enough alcohol until it dries out the tears that formed behind your eyes before you started telling your stories. I find refuge from all the social letdowns of the world through consistent, gradual, and positive progression in my fitness achievements. As I watch myself morph from a state of weakness to an affirmation of strength, I wonder, what impact would it have on the world if the same discipline, dedication, and strict morals used to achieve positive change in oneself were applied?

1 Comment to "Butterfly"
  • I agree with your point about how people’s talk on certain subjects as being lacking in personality. I think people try too hard to impress each other with what they know…too much posturing and self-importance.


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