Throughout our lives we all have the one that got away. And with a luck like mine, you may have had several. I do firmly believe in the things that are just meant to be. Those that enter our lives serves a specific purpose, as are those that are destined to leave us.
When I think of where I am today, I’m always taken back to where I began. And it all began with Stephanie Irwin. I was the cliche bad boy who rolled with the popular kids: young, restless, fearless… dumb. She was the sweetheart at the top of our class. The one adored by so many teachers. The one that always turned in her homework. The one who earned it all. The one with skin of a porcelain doll. The one with eyes so blue like a clear summer sky that makes me forget that it’s winter. The one that I made cry so many times from bullying her. The one that forgave me, understood me, and just loved without condition. Life took us in separate directions, but we both went on to become dancers and posed in front of cameras as models, our lives almost paralleled in an alternate universe.
Then there was the Valentine sweetheart, Marcos Pacheco. The first day we met on Valentine’s Day was the day that I boldly asked him to date me. “I want you to know that I’ve never been with a boy before…” As he hesitated to accept my proposition. I swayed him with my romantic charm, sidestepped until I swept him off his feet and watched his fears dissipate in the cold empty movie theater. The movie played for just the two of us. But as with any movie, the ending is inevitable. Sometimes the ending makes you laugh, sometimes it makes you cry, but sometimes it makes you realize something was missed and you wish you could rewind.
The clock never ticks backward, only forward. Destiny certainly has an ironic way of serving purpose on a silver platter. Just when I’ve resigned myself to the disappointments of the world, the universe sent a knock at my door… Literally. He’s an alien from another planet. His hair like a raging fire lighting up the midnight skies, eyes so blue but never-ending like the hope to uncover a lost world submerged under the depths below, and scars of countless war wounds… both visible on the surface and beyond skin deep. A beautiful creature with his own mysteries to explore.
What started as a platonic expedition has begun to manifest into something far more meaningful than ever foreseen. We cleaned up the mess from his crashed spaceship over wine and Aerosmith. He began to confide his voyages in me, where he came from and where he’s headed, while resting in the safety of my arms. He’s filled with so much excitement, joy, hope, wonder, optimism and even fear. He reminds me of a young me. Chris Isaak appropriately serenades us with ‘Wicked Game’ in the air as our breathing slowed to a unison. That song replays in my head over and over every time I think of him. A good night hug turned into a brief slow dance that I had to break away from.
No matter how much I try not to crash, but we still collide. Last night he recited Shakespeare to me from memory. It sent a chill down my spine and ignited a spark within my soul. But I made him promise not to fall in love with me. “I know what falling feels like and this is not it,” as he whispered into my ear. Fair enough and very valid, but it’s always the aftermath that gets us. Sometimes, we don’t realize that we have already fallen until it’s over. We sit in the driveway hesitating to turn the key and we don’t know why, but we eventually do and we keep on driving because we have to.
Two different species from two foreign worlds are forbidden according the the laws of the universe. You can only keep the ones who wants to stay and he’s not meant to remain here. This is not a time for selfishness as the time we have are limited. I will be a resource of knowledge, truth, understanding, a friend and will allow nothing more. I must draw the boundary here and cross no further as I am the one that knows better. When the time comes for his departure and return him to the universe, I must ensure a painless goodbye. We normally don’t realize the one that got away until they’re gone, but in my case, it’s realized when he is still here… Like finding a rainbow at the wrong time.